This morning as my heart pondered the feelings of deep loss this Holiday season, my eyes filled with tears and my heart had a deep ache. Memories of happy days growing up and sitting around the Thanksgiving table with Mom & Dad, brothers sisters and sometimes even an Aunt or other relative. In the afternoon the men would gather together and discuss their strategy for their evening deer hunt and off they would go, each to their designated spot, hoping for blessings of meat for the freezer and the long winter ahead.
As years moved on and the scenes changed, first Mom went to be with Jesus in 2017 and this year in February, Dad went to be with the Lord as well, the reality of heaven seemed closer. I guess it seems, as each one who held a very dear spot in my heart is called to heaven, more and more of my heart is there, and most of all knowing that they are in the presence of our Dear Savior, makes me long more for heaven.
This was Mom’s last Thanksgiving with us…2016
Dad was never the same after Mom was gone. He would always sit with a distant look in His eyes, and if I would ask him what he’s thinking, he would say, “I just miss Mom. Iwant to go be with Mom”
March of 2018 placing Mom’s headstone.
As he got sick and the Doctors made it clear he had only one option, and that being dialysis for the rest of his life, he with a clear mind, and steady voice said “No, I don’t want to do that. I know God has a place prepared for me where Mom is, and I’m ready to go to be with the Lord.” Wow, I was so challenged by his courage. You know my dear friends, it takes a lot of courage to look death in the face and say I do not fear you. But you see that is scriptural…
Because Jesus died and rose again Hallelujah!
And then… as I was looking through some photos a few days ago I came across one I hadn’t seen before, a photo of more recent happy days. Days filled with much promise, love and a feeling of finding the missing piece of the puzzle of my life. That Thanksgiving Day last year was a special one for me, I felt so blessed beyond anything I had ever experienced. Learning to know a whole new family God had given me. Never dreaming that would be the one and only Thanksgiving Day he and I would spend together.
Ellison & I- Thanksgiving Day 2018
Somy sweet friends as I look at the reality of the “empty chair” this Holiday Season, I remind my self of the reality that we were not created for this world. You know since my childhood I remember one of the sweet old songs we would sing, “This world is not my home, I’m just a passing through” and yet so many times I have caught myself with a mentality of living only for the here and now… but not so much recently. This song sung by Steven Curtis Chapman has ministered to my heart so much over the past several months.
God has placed me here in “Time” for the purpose of choosing Him. He gave me a choice, and I thank Him for drawing me by His Spirit, lifting me out of a horrible pit, and giving me a new song, even a song of praise to Him. He has placed me here to bring glory to His name, and to show forth His praises. So in the midst of deep pain and loss, I choose to praise Him. After all, my life before Christ was a life of fear and misery, and now I have the promise of Eternal life, forever in the presence of the One who created me. I want my focus to be on the world God has created me for, and to be an encouragement to my fellow travelers of “The Way”
For those of us who’s loved ones have moved to their heavenly home…
So as you look at your own “Table” this year, do you have an empty chair? A loved one who has passed on, a wayward child or maybe just a loved one who is in some other part of the world fulfilling God’s plan for their lives or whatever the case may be, you like me, may find a deep pain, the pain of separation for whatever reason… I pray God comforts you and may we turn our focus on someone else who may be going through similar pain or loss and be a source of encouragement to our fellow travelers of “The Way”
For those who’s loved one’s are gone for a season.
Praying each one of you having read this finds the strength within to lift up your head and look to the Hills from where your help comes from, knowing our help comes only from Him, and although we may find ourselves in the midst of deep disappointments, we can have the full assurance that our Heavenly Father is working ALL things together for our good, and if we could see the whole picture like He does, we would choose His way every time.Much Love to each one…
August 28, 2019-As I reflect today on the goodness of God, my mind goes back to one month ago today on July 28 when I said goodbye to the love of my life, my dear sweet Ellison. It’s hard to believe one month has passed since that day, and in other ways it seems like an eternity, for truly when our hearts are separated here on earth, and one steps across the threshold of eternity, it is a separation we know only lasts until we are once again united in the presence of God, but the pain of that separation is one only God can heal.
As family and friends gathered that day on the 31st day of July to Celebrate the life of our loved one, tears flowed freely, as we all felt the pain of saying goodbye to one who it seemed had left us too early. One who’s life seemed snuffed out when there was so much more we wanted to share. But knowing God’s ways are not our ways, we rejoice in the great hope and consolation we have knowing our departed loved one was no longer suffering from the pain and difficulty he had struggled with for months. Safe in the arms of His Savior who he loved so much. We holding on to the promise in God’s Word, “To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord” 2 Corinthians 5:8
Life is like a vapor, On the side where you remain
Forever is where time goes on, Filled with joyful, timeless days.
I am quite alive you see, And waiting here for you
So please live your life with joy and love, Until you are timeless too.
We will laugh again together, When life will have no end
No, this is not goodbye at all, It is I will see you then…
As we all gathered at the funeral home that morning in preparation for going to the church for the funeral, God’s presence and sweetness was there among us in a special way. The line of cars formed and we all filed along on our way to the church. As we entered the church, my heart was flooded with emotion as it was in this same church only 7 short months before, where there at the altar, my love and I had pledged our lives and love to each other until “death do us part” having no idea we would part so soon. But once again I must say God’s ways are not our ways. He sees our end from the beginning. HE orders our path.
As Brother Lee began to share the message, he so perfectly represented the life of Ellison, one who lived his life for others. Also honoring Ellison’s request that a call to Salvation be preached at his funeral. The singing was beautiful too.
Then…My Letter to My Love- Read by my sweet friend, Cindy Pitts
-A Letter to my Dear Love Ellison-
I remember
that warm summer night in July of 2018, just one short year ago, when just
before retiring to bed after a long day, I checked my Match.com account to find
a message from one called Ellison. Different name, I thought to myself, but I
proceeded to read the message you wrote to me, and it was easy to see you had
put a lot of thought into your message unlike others who had messaged me. The
one thing attracting you to my profile was one line I had written about having
a daily relationship with God.
Messaging
back and forth for the following few days was exciting as my excitement was
building for the time when you might ask me out. Then it happened on that
Tuesday afternoon when you asked me if we could meet the next morning for
breakfast, so we could see if perhaps this might be God leading us into a
relationship. I will never forget when I drove up to IHOP that morning, and a
big white truck with a cow on one side and a rooster on the other, was sitting
there and down from the truck came this tall guy dressed in shorts, a tee-shirt
and work boots. You had been hauling pullets all night you said. Ok, I thought
in my mind, mentally scratching my head. So we went into IHOP and the waiter promptly
gave us our nook where the conversation flowed easily as the hours went by, and
the poor waiter kept coming and asking if he could get us something else over
and over, not realizing we just weren’t going to leave til we were ready. So
about 2 ½ hrs into our conversation, you cleared your throat and said, I have something
I need to tell you, I have cancer…..I cannot tell you Love the pit I felt in my
stomach. I felt bad. I knew you could tell.
I left there
that day thinking I would never see you again, but God in his sovereign way as
only he can knew the story would not end there. He convicted my heart showing
me that I was limiting his ability to handle a situation that seemed hopeless,
and that would lead to certain heartbreak one day. I must say I missed you. So
I remember messaging you and telling you God had changed my heart and I was
willing to be friends and see where God would lead. That’s so funny because you
know Love how long that lasted. It didn’t take me long to see God had made a
Match on Match.com. I didn’t see you as a man with a disease, but rather as a
gift God had sent into my life.
As the months
proceeded we had such a sweet bond that grew and that September day when you
got down on one knee and asked me to be your wife was one of the happiest days
of my life. I thought to myself I never realized I could be that happy. It was
like my very own fairy tale. The days that followed were full of excitement as
we prepared for that special day when we would come before God, our family and
many friends and pledge our lives and love to each other til death do us part.
That
December day dawned with rain in the forecast, and boy did it ever rain. But no
rain could dampen our spirits as we excitedly prepared for the ceremony. Oh
yes, one small detail, your shirt. How could I forget your shirt. But it went
off without a hitch, and hitched we were. The Honeymoon was awesome, and we
were right into Christmas, and then the New Year dawned. With the cold days of
winter came a Doctors appointment, with the follow up appointment, and I will
never forget how it felt when the Dr. said those words, there are some concerns
with your blood work. The options were few, and so you were determined we would
go to our scheduled Honeymoon Part2 in Florida. Such a precious time we shared
that week, oblivious to the dark days that would follow. I want to remember the
beautiful times we had Love, but also Never forget how valiantly you fought the
disease that would lay claim to your life. As you lost our voice you cried that
day as you told me you felt bad that I was trapped in this situation. I
remember we tried to be positive and trusted God through many dark days when
hope seemed to laugh in our faces. God gave us precious times together as you
lay in your hospital bed and those times I will never forget. Friends gathered
round your bed and we were there to cheer you on into that eternal bliss with
your sweet Jesus. My heart is left broken and with a huge hole in it as we are
parted for a while. I am here today Love, exactly one year after I met you that
morning at IHOP, gathered with many whose lives you touched in some way, by
your kindness and thoughtfulness, to celebrate your life that you poured out
for others. We miss you but we know you
have finished your course, you have kept the faith, and now you have laid aside
that earthly body for a brand new body that will never be susceptible to the
ravages your earthly body suffered.
I loved you
with all the love I had to give, and now I say so long until we meet inside the
pearly gates at the feet of our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. Until then, From
Your Love Marilyn
His Obituary-
Mr. William Ellison McAdams, age 55, of Carrollton, Georgia, passed away July 28, 2019 surrounded by family and friends. He was born September 2, 1963 in Cedartown, GA. He is preceded in death by his first wife, Linda Hudgins McAdams and his mother, Rebecca Smith McAdams.
Ellison was a faithful member of New Canaan Baptist church in Buchanan, Ga. He served there as a Sunday School teacher and was loved by those he had the privilege of having in his class and will be greatly missed. His desire to learn more about the Word of God would often lead him into discussions, seeking to learn more about the ways of God.
He was a faithful Husband, Dad and Paw Paw to his family working tirelessly to provide for them. His daughter and granddaughters held a very special place in his heart. He loved all his family so much and had a very close bond with his brothers. He was a loving son to his parents, always willing to help in any way he could. Nieces and nephews always brought a light to his eye. His love for his Lord was made evident through his caring for others, always giving without expecting anything in return. He was very loyal to those he loved, going the second mile to help in any way he could, even if it meant taking a loss himself.
His hobbies included NASCAR racing “Go Ford!” College football “Go Dawgs” and loved watching the Braves play baseball.
His passing has left a huge hole in the circle of family and friends which will be felt until we are reunited in Glory. He fought a good fight, he finished the course, and now is resting in the arms of his dear Savior the One he loved so much.
He is survived by his wife, Marilyn Weaver McAdams, of Carrollton; father and step-mother, Sherman and Diane McAdams; step-daughter and son in law, Tiffany and Junior McAdams, of Buchanan; grandchildren, Shelby McAdams and Kayli Melson; brothers and sisters in law, Tony and Leslie McAdams, of Buchanan and Michael and Staci McAdams, of Bowdon; and half sister, Angel Cochran, of Dallas, GA.
Funeral services will be held Wednesday, July 31, 2019 at 2:00PM at Providence Baptist Church with Rev. Aaron Johnson and Rev. Lee Patrick officiating. Special reading will be by Cindy Pitts. He will lie in state at the church from 1:00PM until the funeral hour. Chuck Wilson and Debra Collins will be providing music. Gentlemen serving as pallbearers will be Rodney Binnion, Jamie Hudgens, Johnny Huey, Brian Walker, Hunter McAdams, Reese McAdams, Matthew Yoder, and John Weaver. Interment will follow in New Canaan Baptist Church Cemetery.
So you may ask my dear friends, what does gratefulness have to do with all this. as I have walked through this valley of deep sorrow, I have found the greatest comfort I experience is during times in which I CHOOSE to be grateful. A GRATEFUL HEART IS A HEART AT PEACE- My list of things I am grateful for, to name a few…
That I know because of the gift of Salvation through Jesus, there was a place prepared for Ellison…
For the assurance that he is no longer suffering in pain, or experiencing distress of any kind…
For the promise that I know I will see him again…
For the beautiful union God gave us, and all the sweet memories I have in my heart of our times together…
For all the beautiful people God has put in my life that have been so kind to me through this valley of sorrow.
For the promise that He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me…He will give me strength for the journey. For I am and will forever be His Faithful Servant.
In Loving Memory of -William Ellison McAdams-Sept 2, 1963-July 28, 2019
-Bleeding Heart-
The morning of Friday July 26, 2019 will forever be etched in my memory as one of the hardest days of my life.
To give context to the story, I have to back track a couple days to Wednesday July 24. We had been home for almost 4 weeks, during which we had ups and downs, good days and some not so good with Ellison having difficulty breathing very frequently. The Home Health nurse had come that morning taking Ellison’s vitals and to draw labs here at home. Then she told us the labs she had drawn the previous Thursday had returned showing his hemoglobin was low, probably contributing to his difficulty breathing. So she advised us to go to the hospital if difficulty continued, saying she was sure they would need to give him blood to bring the levels up again. We made the decision to get ready and call for the Ambulance.
Upon arriving at the hospital, taken to the ER, they began examination, doing blood work etc. They found his heart enzyme levels to be elevated, which caused enough concern they put him on the Heart floor in the hospital. The following morning they did a heart echocardiogram to examine his heart. Keep in mind Ellison had pretty much every kind of Dr under the sun, but no cardiologist because he had a perfect heart. So when the floor cardiologist came in saying he had damage to the heart, this came as a real shock. There were numerous things that happened that day the worst being an overdose of blood pressure reduction meds, causing his blood pressure to fall to dangerous levels. So they rushed him to the ICU, where they put him on IVs of medication to bring his blood pressure back up, however with the damage they had discovered in the heart, it reduced it’s ability to hold it’s own without the meds.
So this brings me back to that Friday morning when the ICU Dr came in to talk to Ellison and I. His words were those our ears and hearts are NEVER EVER ready to hear. He said the chemo they had been giving Ellison in hopes of getting rid of the Thyroid cancer he had been fighting for some 16+ years had alas caused irreparable damage to his heart. Then those dreaded words, “There is nothing more we can do.”
My heart was in my throat, and yet in the midst of this I still held to the hope that God can do a miracle, knowing nothing is too hard for him. Ellison on the other hand knew his time was limited, and immediately began writing the messages out to each of us that he loved, telling us the things that were on his heart. His words to the Oncologist who came to see us that evening were, “I am ready for Heaven.” There were tears that flowed freely as the realization was there that our days together here on earth were numbered and few, unless God saw fit to do a miracle. Calling me to his bedside he thanked me for standing by him through what had been a deep dark valley, and telling me how very much he loved me. Then his mother Diane who he thanked for being such a good mother and support, telling her he would see her again one day in heaven. Next my sister Sharon, who he thanked for standing by me in my decision in the beginning, of pursuing a relationship with him, and for standing behind me as a strong support during our extended time in the hospital as well as the weeks we spent at home afterward. He also messaged his brothers Tony and Michael with things he had on his mind.
As Saturday morning dawned, Sharon had spent the night with us and when we awoke, they immediately started making preparations to get Ellison ready for us to go home. It was evening before everything was finally ready and I followed the Ambulance home. My family came in that night and my brother Jonathan and his wife stayed here with Ellison and I. Jonathan offered to stay in the living room with Ellison so I could get some much needed rest, although I had a monitor in my room to which I awakened frequently during the night checking to make sure everything was ok.
He seemed to have a fairly decent night and about 6:00 AM I got up and stayed up with him so Jonathan could get a few hours of sleep. I had no idea that would be Ellison’s last night on this earth, and as he awakened, I told him “Good morning Honey” to which he replied with his lips “Good morning” and we gave each other a good morning kiss which would be our last.
As the day wore on, friends and family came and went, some from near, some from far, some staying into the early afternoon hours. Friends brought food and we ate lunch together. Jamie, Ellison’s friend and Co-worker and I sat with him for hours that afternoon, and at one point he furrowed his brow like he was seeing something and he reached out his hand in the air in front of him like he was reaching for something he was seeing. After that I saw a change, and I told his Mom and Aunts, it won’t be long. Phone calls were made and messages sent, and the family all came. We hugged and cried as we knew we were in our last hours here on earth with one we loved so much. About an hour before he died, Brother Lee and his wife Jelena came, and brother Lee led in prayer. As brother Lee began to pray, Ellison’s eyes which had not focused for a good long while came completely into focus as he heard the voice of his dear friend and Pastor leading in prayer that God would take him in peace through that valley of death through which he was already beginning to pass. As we were all there around his bed he so peacefully began to breathe slower and slower, until finally it stopped, and his Soul departed to ever be with the Lord Jesus his Savior whom he loved so much. He had fought a good fight, he had kept the faith, and then he had went to where his crown was laid up for him.-to be continued
So late that August night after all the tomatoes were canned and the jars were popping one after the other with that sweet popping sound of a jar sealing, I finally got the courage to say to Sharon, “It’s really weird but I’m missing Ellison.” I’ll admit my thought process was that she would say to me, ” You’re crazy, this can’t be God and you just need to let it go.” But… her response was totally different than I expected.
She paused a minute and said, “You know I was kind of disappointed when you so quickly cut off the possibility of a relationship with Ellison. How do you know whether God has sent you into his life at this time to be a help to him?” You see she had seen how my eyes lit up when I would get a text message from him, and how excited I was to share with her what we had been chatting about.
I’ll admit, I had been haunted by the statement Ellison had made concerning him knowing it would be a “Special woman” who God would send to him in his situation. It was like God kept whispering in my ear, “What if I called you to be that woman?” I would just always say to myself, no it couldn’t possibly be me, but on the other hand it was like I felt it would be an honor for the woman that God did call. Also at one point as I was thinking and praying and trying to convince my self that I surely couldn’t be the one God was calling to be the “Special” one, I was telling God this was too hard, and I felt Him speak right down into my heart saying, “Is ANYTHING too hard for me?” I didn’t realize at the time that this was actually in scripture just like that, but I went searching, and it was there!! It is in Genesis 18:14 where God told Abram that he and Sarah would have a son, and when Abram told Sarah, she laughed, and God spoke to her and said “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” Also in Jeremiah is a very similar scripture.
So Sharon said to me, “Why don’t you just tell him you are open to being friends, and see where it goes from there?” Honestly that was all the encouragement I needed. I knew Ellison would still be up altho it was about 10:30 PM, because of his work schedule, so I was on my phone right away texting him. Later he told me he had just parked his truck at home, when he heard the text message come through. When he saw the message, he said it was in that moment he knew I was the one God had sent to him. I still have to cry as I write this when I realize how easily we can miss the will of God if we are not sensitive to His leading. But I thank God for his great Love and patience.
So he messaged be back almost immediately and thanked me for the text and said that yes he would like to be friends, and we could see where God would lead us from there.
So the following days we continued texting, and looking back we laugh because Ellison said he was beginning to wonder if I would ever tell him it’s ok to call me. LOL! So I had this phobia that we would get on the phone and not have anything to talk about. So I wanted to text until I knew we could carry on a conversation good. Funny I know. 🙂
Like I mentioned earlier, Ellison’s job was early afternoon to late night about 10:30-12 midnight depending on how many loads he had to haul. So we weren’t able to get together before Saturday. So we decided go to the park Saturday afternoon and take a walk on the Green Belt which is a really nice walking trail, one part of it winds around Lake Carroll. So we went there and parked and started talking in the truck. We chatted for a bit, and before we know it we looked at the time and 3+ hours had passed. So we contemplated and thought we should at least go and get a bit of exercise, so we walked bout 45 minutes. 🙂
Around the Green Belt Trail at Lake Carroll- One of my most favoritest 🙂 places
By that time we were hungry and decided to go to Cracker Barrel for dinner. We continued conversation over dinner, still seemingly never running out of things to talk about. So by about 8:00 that night, Sharon hadn’t heard from me and thought she better check in with me to see if I was ok.;-) I told her I was fine. LOL By the end of that date I already knew this was much more than a friendship. We were so comfortable together, we felt like we could talk about anything really.
Saying that to say, in 2017 when I for the first time in my life began to pray and ask God to give me a companion. Yes this was the first time, and reason being that for years I didn’t see myself worthy that any man could really love me. Yes here in my story I am being very transparent and vulnerable. Maybe someone can be encouraged by reading this to not doubt God’s ability to bring you together with your soulmate. You see every day Ellison’s job took him right by my family’s business where I worked, but if I hadn’t stepped out and became vulnerable on Match.com who knows if we had ever met. I was very skeptical because of living my life up to that point quite independently, whether I could really be or find someone who I could be compatible with. I had witnessed my parents have a really good marriage and saw them love and cherish each other until my Mom’s death separated them. So I had a beautiful example of what a Godly marriage looks like, but I wondered if that would be possible for me. However I was really lonely, and here I will insert another credit to a sweet cousin who is also one of my best friends, Gina Graber. I want to thank you for encouraging me to try the online dating thing. It was your encouragement that gave me the courage to put my profile out there, and let me tell you my friends, God can use anything he chooses to if it means fulfilling His will in our lives. If actually used an ass, yes that’s what the Bible calls the animal, to speak, He can use anything.
In his heart a man plans his course…but the Lord determines his steps…
The Journey of a thousand miles begins with one step
So as I drove away that day from IHOP where Ellison and I had our first meeting my heart was so sad. I called my sis, and said lets meet up for lunch. My sweet friend Cindy came too, and I remember sitting down to eat with them and bawling my eyes out as I told them how we had a really good time together, but then when he dropped the “cancer” word, I immediately thought, “No Lord I can’t do this” Funny how we think we know how much we can go through right? I just felt like it would be a setup for heart break.
So Ellison texted me later in the day and said how much he had enjoyed our time together and looked forward to meeting up again. I didn’t reply back right away. I felt so terrible. It felt like a death sentence, and I felt so torn. So I waited til the afternoon of the following day when I finally messaged him and told him I felt like I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship, and explained to him why. He was understanding, and made a statement that when he began to pray about seeking a wife after a period of mourning the death of his first wife, and God gave him peace about it, he said he knew it would take a “special” women to want to be in a relationship with him. I thought to myself, well bless his heart, but it’s definitely not me.
So that weekend I tried to fill my evenings with things to keep my mind off everything. I went to dinner and a musical play with me sweet friend Jana on Friday night.
Jana and I at the play” Thoroughly Modern Millie”
I don’t remember much about the weekend except I was sad. I had come to look forward to chatting with Ellison evenings, and he would always message me, per my request, no matter what time of the night it was when he finished work to let me know he had made it home safely. Sundays we would share what we had learned at church.
On Monday we were busy with work so the day passed quickly.
Tuesday I gathered together my tomatoes and canning Jars and headed to Sharon’s house to do our annual tomato canning of salsa, tomato juice, and tomato soup. We had a really busy day and were really tired. all day I was struggling with the thought of telling Sharon how much I was missing Ellison. I thought to myself “she will think I am entirely crazy!”so I waited til we were finished with everything, and I got up the courage to tell her. I said,”You know it’s the strangest thing, but I really miss Ellison.”
Journey Of My Heart 